What is mental maturity? In simple words, it is the ability to understand other persons in more depth and react / act in such responsible manner that the outcome of interaction with them is desirable or beneficial for both sides. It is also known as emotional maturity.
It is a process of understanding the other side and react more thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. It also involves understanding the weaknesses, strengths and possible impact of our behavior / words on the person on other side, and then handle / respond to the situation so thoughtfully that it can have the desired impact on him/her.
Here we are aiming to have a win win outcome and not to deceive or cheat others. Cheating will soon be exposed and it will have a very unhealthy and adverse impact on relationships.
We deal with many people in day to day work situations. It is easier to develop work related maturity. Compared to this, in most cases, our maturity in dealing with personal and family relationships generally falls short of the requirement.
The examples of personal and family relationships are: husband-wife, parents-children, siblings, friends etc. Let us now discuss the maturity required for husband-wife relationship. Foundation of this relationship is built on core values of mutual love, care and respect.
The best situation is when both of them become best friends. If they are not already, then it would be in the greatest interest of both to behave with each other as if they were. Soon, they will really become best friends for life. In a good friend, we focus on the good qualities and ignore / improve the negatives in a very friendly way. Same behavior can be adopted here. After all, living entire life with a best friend is a great idea indeed!
For a happy marriage, a certain level of maturity is required from both sides. It seems surprising to notice that many times even people with good educational background doing very well in their professional careers also tend to behave immaturely when interacting with spouse. At least one of them must act maturely to protect and nurture the relationship. Over time, the other spouse will change his / her behavior, if patience is maintained.
It is important to understand the broad psychological make-up of a man and woman. Man's ego and woman's emotions, if hurt, can upset their mental balance and they can turn negative. Most of the time people unknowingly hurt their spouse without realizing its impact on their long term relationship.
We will now take some real life examples to understand some more day to day situations, which are illustrative and by no means, exhaustive.
Sometimes a man will tend not to take responsibility for some important household work. The work has to be done but he would neglect it. In such situation, his wife is likely to react angrily with him. This is a natural response, but most likely it will have a negative impact on their relationship over a period of time. Having an argument with him may lead him to complete that task but it would create a dent in the relationship.
It needs to be remembered that the aim is not to get short term results but to have continuing happy relationship with each other. So, the wife can chose to act more maturely and thoughtfully. She may silently forgive him and do that work herself and later talk to him peacefully about it. She may need to guide his husband and make him more responsible by talking to him peacefully over a period of time. Instant results are generally not possible in such cases, so patience is the key to success.
A man does not like to be humiliated by his wife, even if he has failed to fulfill his family responsibilities or acted impulsively while taking a major financial decision which affects the family. He can even tolerate humiliation from others, but he is most likely not to tolerate it from his wife. It is indeed rare for a man to admit his weaknesses when they are pointed out by his wife directly.
In such situations, the wife needs to act maturely by being silent when the wrong is done and later advise him peacefully and logically. She may accept some short term financial damages caused by her husband in the interest of long term happy relationship. No amount of money is bigger than a continuing happy relationship. While advising him, care should be taken that he does not feel being proved wrong or guilty.
A man is likely to hurt the emotions of his wife, most of the time without knowing or realizing it. He tends to take the work done by his wife as granted, and stops being sensitive towards her pain and problems. For example, when they are in the process of raising their young children, the wife would be more physically and mentally stressed due to the additional workload. At that time, if the husband becomes insensitive towards her problems, she gets hurt easily.
It requires maturity in the husband to be able to see her workload and problems. In such situation, it is his duty to be more affectionate and caring instead of taking her as granted and expect / demand prompt service from her. In case he has not attained this maturity, the wife needs to use patience and not break herself down. She should discuss her problems in a loving manner, when he is happy. Then he would be able to realize it.
A man who wishes to lead a happy life, needs to be very sensitive and aware of his wife's expectations from him. Being lazy or careless towards her expectations is likely to make her feel being neglected and not loved. He should also not speak such words that can hurt her. He must find out the things / situations / words that can hurt his wife and should completely and carefully avoid them. It requires maturity on his part to realize and understand the sacrifices, efforts and care taken by his wife. He must be able to see, acknowledge and appreciate them. An immature man will generally fail to do so.
Thus, by understanding each other's needs, feelings, weaknesses and strengths, a mutually loving relationship can be maintained that lasts forever. This comes from maturity. Some compromises may be required from both sides. “COMPROMISING” doesn’t mean that you are wrong and someone is right, it only means that you value your “RELATIONSHIP” much more than your “EGO”. It requires a flexible attitude to adjust / tune to each other and enjoy the relationship. Rigidity must be avoided.
Mutual trust is another very important requirement of a happy marital relationship. Trust once broken, is almost impossible to rebuild. One should NOT make his / her spouse give proof of honesty and love. They must also consult each other for all important decisions affecting career, finance, family and life.
They should refrain from criticizing or ridiculing each other in the presence of others, and avoid humiliating jokes.
True love is to make the loved one happy by giving and not to expect anything in return. A true lover is happy when his loved one is happy.
In essence, maturity is the key requirement in all important life situations to enjoy a happy life.
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